(Photo Credit: Josh Twiss)
“I write poetry and perform at poetry slams to help me relate to people because of my social anxiety. It is hard for me to open up to people due to the fear my anxiety causes. I finally decided to do a piece on my experiences with social anxiety. The reactions I’ve received from it after performing it were shocking and amazing. People who experience the same emotions came up to me and spoke to me about their struggles. This piece really opened up different doorways for me.”
I have social anxiety and let me tell you: it is a load of shit
I get told on a regular bases that what I am experiencing is all in my head that I am being “over dramatic” that I am just attention seeking
but someone please explain to me why I would want attention when my head is between my legs tears are running down my face and I’m breathing like someone who just sprinted a marathon.
Some people say that social anxiety doesn’t exist. I guess the millions of us out there with it are all just being
“over dramatic” right?
I think some people need to realize that just because I can talk to people I don’t know or get up on a stage to perform does not mean I do not have social anxiety.
Fighting against this monster inside my head doesnt mean it takes away the symptoms.
Sweaty palms, racing heart beat, thinking:
“they’re judging me this poem is shit,
my hairs a mess, my makeups smeared, my teeth are yellow, I have bags under my eyes they can see all my fat rolls Just look at all of my fucking scars I look like death I look worse than death.”
Somedays I feel worse than death.
Somedays I dont know if I can get out of bed to face the world and all the people inside of it because there are a lot of people and
I can feel the weight of their judgement like an anval on my back and somedays I just pray that it pushes me down with enough force that I reach the core of the earth because at least theres no people there.
With social anxiety there are good days and bad.
There are some months where the good days outweigh the bad and others where the bad outweighs the good.
Recently its been feeling like the bad outweighs the good but I still have hope.
Hope that someday I will be able to go into a large crowd without feeling that anvil on my back someday.
“Meet Santi Yellowhorse a current student at Red Cloud High School. She is in 11th grade, in the top of her class and highly involved in Student Government. I have had the absolute honor and privilege to meet Santi working at Red Cloud. She is kind, caring, intelligent and she stays true to who she is. What stood out to me about Santi is that she is able to articulate her feelings, has the courage to face them each day and critically think about the world around her. It is not easy to share such significant pieces such as this so I thank her for her courage to let me add this to our collection.”